«If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it»
I remember the class when I offered my students to discuss the most recent breaking news and gave them some printed articles under unintentionally funny headlines. At first they didn’t realize that there was something wrong with the headlines but when they did our discussion took a completely different direction. The class appeared to be much better than I expected. The students were so involved and eager to share their own experiences of encountering weird slogans and misspellings on billboards. Remembering that, I decided to surf the Internet looking for examples of funny stuff that appears in newspapers, ads, shops, hotels, restaurant menus. Enjoy!
- Reward for schoolgirls who don’t get pregnant
- Cockfight ring is air conditioned
- One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers
- Puerto-Rican Teen named mistress of Universe
- Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout
- Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
- Eastern Head Seeks Arms
- William Kelly was fed secretary
- Milk drinkers are turning to powder
- Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
- Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says
- Meeting on open meeting is closed
- Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25
Billboards, ads and info boards:
- 15 best things about our pubic schools
- The effective way to loose weight
- Don Drink and Drive!
- Welcome turist! We spik Inglish!
- Hard hats required below this point
- Ring bell for “meat service”
- Slippery when wet!
- Urinate, this way please
- Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
- Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
- Please to bathe inside the tub.
- The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
- Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
- The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
- You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
- You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
- If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
- In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
- Please leave your values at the front desk.
- If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
- Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
- To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
- Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
- Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
- Special today — no ice cream.
- Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
- Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
- Draniki at home with meat.
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
- For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
- Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.
- Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
- Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
- Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
- Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
- We bye used cars.
- Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
- Specialist in women and other diseases.
- Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
- Take one of our horse-driven city tours — we guarantee no miscarriages.
- Would you like to ride on your own ass? (about donkey rides)
- To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
- We take your bags and send them in all directions.
- Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
- There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
- A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
- It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.